December 17, 2006

Ghosts of Christmas past

Yesterday and today were the first days this year that I felt anything remotely like the Christmas spirit. With R's annual Christmas melancholy from too much exposure to the commercial end of things at his work, and all the uncertainty linked to my finding a new job, and with Frodo's anal gland issues, we haven't been feeling all that joyous. N is complaining that Christmas is "disorganized" this year and she's right. We’ve shopped and I’ve wrapped some gifts already even, but it’s been a chore.

But yesterday I hauled out my CD of Czech Christmas carols, and my other favourite Christmas CD’s, and I dug up my copy of the Christmas recipes mother got from the women at her work when she was 30, and I baked. And baked. And, elbow deep in flour and nostalgia, singing along to songs I’ve sung every Christmas since I can remember, something turned inside me and Christmas felt the way it’s supposed to. I think even N sensed it because she came into the kitchen and hugged me for no reason.

Today the CBC broadcast their annual Euroradio Christmas Music special "JOY TO THE WORLD”. Unfortunately, because we didn’t make it home from J & C’s party until 3:00 in the morning and so didn’t crawl out of bed until 10:00, we missed the first part of the broadcast and the part I would have been really interested in hearing, from Moscow. I love Russian music. Even so, the program and music were marvellous and managed to push the right emotional buttons. We put up our tree, a gimpy and lovely Charlie-Browner, and we welcomed Christmas. It’s here again; I hope I can hang onto it.

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