So should I hang my head in contrition at how long it's been? Nah. There's not too much point in dwelling on something I can't change. I'm re-reading The Untethered Soul, a book I read about a year ago, maybe a little longer than that. I liked it quite a bit the first time around already but this time the messages are resonating so much more. I find myself stepping back at random times, mentally, taking note of how I react to stuff. More importantly, I'm realizing how much time I've devoted, over the past year and a bit, to being sad. And worse, to feeling guilty for spending so much time on feeling sad and then spending more time on trying to distract myself from feeling guilty and sad. On and on, round and round.
I feel like I'm done with that now. I'm not sure if it's because I'm consciously and conscientiously trying to put the concepts in The Untethered Soul into daily practice or if I've simply just passed through to the other side of some predefined period of grief. It's the oddest thing because nothing's changed tangibly in my life; all the things which have been weighing my spirits down for the last year or so are still the same. Some are worse. And yet it's as if a stone has lifted.
For the last few weeks I've been working on a new print...one I sketched out ages ago and then abandoned. Passion Flower. A few weeks ago, on one of my Mondays off, I dragged myself downstairs into the studio I built out of my parents' kitchen and got to work. Tentatively. Warily. And...the strangest thing...the ghosts were gone. The sun flooding the room, All Classical streaming a Mozart concerto, the physical motion, it's a dance really, of rolling out ink on a glass slab, and... no ghosts. It was amazing; I felt so light. At peace and happy and centered. And I thought wow! I remember this feeling. Such a rush!
The print is going pretty well. Almost done. I still don't have a lot of time and might even have less, considering the new puppy we're bringing home on Thursday, but so be it. Things are looking up anyway.
Ok, ok. I know you're not normally print a lighter colour over darker but I don't care. I wanted to see what would happen and I totally got the result I was after. I'm glad I experimented.